Preacher: Pastor Steve | Series: Marriage Matters
The Bible Teaches Us That Small Things Really Matter
(Matthew 25:21; 2 Corinthians 4:16-18)
Zechariah 4:9-10 Zerubbabel is the one who laid the foundation of this Temple…do not despise these small beginnings, for the LORD rejoices to see the work begin…
Matthew 17:20 You didn’t have enough faith, Jesus told them. I assure you, even if you had faith as small as a mustard seed you could say to this mountain, Move from here to there, and it would move. Nothing would be impossible.
The Bible Teaches Us That Small Things Really Matter
James 3:2-6 We all make many mistakes, but those who control their tongues can also control themselves in every other way. We can make a large horse turn around and go wherever we want by means of a small bit in its mouth. And a tiny rudder makes a huge ship turn wherever the pilot wants it to go, even though the winds are strong. So also, the tongue is a small thing, but what enormous damage it can do
Luke 16:10-11 Unless you are faithful in small matters, you won’t be faithful in large ones. If you cheat even a little, you won’t be honest with greater responsibilities
Hidden Issues In Relationships
Control
Under the surface are the questions of who makes the decisions?
Who is in charge?
Caring
Does my partner care for me?
Am I attractive?
Do you want to be with me?
Is there trust?
Are you emotionally safe?
We want to be accepted and we fear rejection. Do you really accept who I am?
Credit
Recognition and affirmation for what we do for each other.  This is when we are concerned about whether your partner values whom you are and what you do.
Commitment
There is a crisis of commitment! Today the NEW RULE is that we are more about being happy than being committed or loyal. Today there is an increase of commitment injuries.
Credibility
This has to do with trustworthiness, integrity, and honesty. When something is happening or being said that bring a reaction: “That is not who I am?!” Giving each other the benefit of doubt and thinking the best of one another.
How Can We Know When These Are Part Of Our Relationships?
Wheel Spinning
Trivial Triggers
Avoidance
Score Keeping
How Can We BUILD A HEALTHY Marital Relationship?
GROW the FRIENDSHIP in the marriage
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labor.
Friendship: being respectful and loving is a key to a healthy marriage
Knowing each other; Relying on each other; Trusting each other.
HONOR each other life’s DREAMS by supporting and finding a way to make dreams come true.  1 Peter 2:17 Honor all people. Love the brotherhood. Fear God…
How Can We BUILD A HEALTHY Marital Relationship?
DEPOSIT into the emotional bank account of your partner
Appreciation and Admiration and Affection
2 John 5-6 …we should love one another. This is not a new commandment, but one we have had from the beginning. Love means doing what God has commanded us, and he has commanded us to love one another, just as you heard from the beginning.
How Can We BUILD A HEALTHY Marital Relationship?
Turn TOWARDS each other instead of away through emotional connecting efforts and physical gestures
1 Corinthians 13:4-8 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, and it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
How Can We BUILD A HEALTHY Marital Relationship?
Learn the skill of SAFE CONFLICT
2 Corinthians 13:11 I close my letter with these last words: Be joyful. Grow to maturity. Encourage each other. Live in harmony and peace. Then the God of love and peace will be with you.
Romans 12:18 If it is possible as far as it depends on you live at peace with everyone
The Four Horseman Of The Apocalypse
Criticism
Defensiveness
Contempt
Stonewalling
How Can We BUILD A HEALTHY Marital Relationship?
Create TEAM with shared meaning and purpose and vision
Marriage works best when the couple functions as a TEAM
Have a POSITIVE PERSPECTIVE: 1 Thessalonians 5:11 Therefore encourage one another and build each other up…
Regularly PRAY/DEVOTIONS with/for each other Ephesians 6:18 Pray at all times and on every occasion…be persistent in your prayers
MARRIAGE APPOINTMENT one hour one day a week James 1:19 My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.
Here are some simple small things we can do that can bring about huge changes:
Spend time talking while preparing dinner togeter
Go for a walk
Pray together over the phone during the day, at break times, lunch, etc.
Walk the dog together and talk or pray
Have coffee together in a different café every month
First thing in the car as it warms up – pray for your mate
Text each other with compliments, flirtatious comments
Make your mate his/her favorite dinner two nights in a row
Go out to lunch together at Costco
Plan a date night that involves staying away overnight